Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Super Bowl parties are miserable - except for yours

Look, most people go to Super Bowl parties in bad moods, ready to complain.

It's a forced communal event -- the majority of the folks there probably don't even care about the football part, but they're there because in this day and age you have to be at a Super Bowl party.

And you're ready to be unhappy.

You don't really care about who's playing, except you know Tom Brady's on the Patriots and you hate Tom Brady, so go Giants!  Meanwhile, the food is overwhelming and none of it is healthy, and you're going to keep eating and hating yourself for it, as if it's a second Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or New Year's.  (You know, there's a lot of eat-now/exercise-later holidays around this time of year.)

You're also going 100% eagerly silent for every single commercial break, especially when Matthew Broderick's Ferris Bueller's Day Off commercial airs, which one friend loudly introduces as soon as it starts and loudly shushes everyone, but other than that rare reprise, when the commercial break ends, everyone gets disappointed and complains about how the commercials just aren't that good this year, and remember how good they used to be?  This puts you in a worse mood, and you start arguing over great commercials from past years -- at which point everyone agrees that, forget the beer commercials, Eminem's spot from last year was really the best.

So everyone looks it up on their phones, and all of the football fans get upset because everyone's ignoring the game, which hasn't been all that great yet, but that's okay, it's the Super Bowl.  The football fans all talk too much anyway, trying to show off their great knowledge and impress each other and all of the non-fans, and soon they're getting into conversations even more inane than great Super Bowl commercials.

At which point someone asks, "Hey, who's the halftime concert this year?" at which point someone else grouses, "Madonna!" and everyone groans about how there's never been any hot halftime acts representing you know, music going on now, except one person does try to speak up and say they heard that Cee Lo Green might be cameoing this year.  That doesn't help too much, but everyone watches the concert anyway.  When it's over, some people complain, some people shrug, and some people say, "It wasn't that bad."

And then all the non-football fans realize, yes, there's still another half of football to go, the best commercials have already been shown, and they're starting to get stomach aches from eating too much terrible food.  And then Tom Brady and the Patriots win, and you're angry at the world.

Really, it's just a miserable experience for everyone.

Except That at YOUR Super Bowl Party

... you'll have awesome friends as company
... you'll have excellent food
... you'll laugh at the commercials
... the game will be great
... you'll all be rooting for the winning team

7 comments:

Haggis McBrylcreem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gordon Geise said...

You are awesomenessful, Jesse! Can I come to YOUR Superbowl party?

Bryan said...

Yay America!

Jesse Goldberg-Strassler said...

Naturally, Gordon - although I'd have to clear it with my excellent Lansingite hosts, who have discerning tastes and elitist palates.

AC said...

Very enlightening Jesse. It is all true, except maybe what will happen in the game.

Laura D said...

Wait did this post just say my party is going to suck?

Jesse Goldberg-Strassler said...

Laura, that's crazy talk. It says that every party is going to suck except for yours.